Michelle Buck

A little peek at things I love

Just Me

I give you all I have

I lay myself down at your feet

Am I good enough to even be here?

 

I offer you more

That’s not what you want from me

I can no longer hide this fear.

 

Here I am broken

Alone and confused

How can you want someone like me?

 

I am nothing but ashes

but you find in me beauty

And you give me the wings to fly free.

 

© 2007-2014 Michelle Buck.

 

Listen Up

Is it hard to speak?

Does it hurt to look my way?

Is your throat aching or sore?

Am I just boring you today?

 

Is it how I sound?

Do my words pierce your ears?

Do they ring when I speak?

Does it bring you to tears?

 

Can you understand me?

Am I intelligible?

Why the silent treatment?

Am I not amicable?

 

Am I asking too many questions?

Can’t you answer me?

Have you forgotten who I am?

Do you have a brain injury?

 

Would you listen if I sang?

Kicked a ball? Punched a man?

How about if I raced a car?

Or was a raging fan?

 

Maybe you would listen

If I had a megaphone

Or if I knocked you in the head

With a great big stone.

 

Clean out your ears

Turn off the TV

Look at your wife

And listen to me!

 

© 2007-2014 Michelle Buck.

 

Making Sense of Death

Making sense of death

4/16/2006

 

I feel the darkness seeping in

stealing the breath I breathe

Robbing me of sleep and dreams

And slowly my smile fades

Here comes the memories

to tease and  taunt

One more thing I attempt

to make sense of

but I can’t because life

will never make sense

The only thing I know

is that life is unpredictable

We can go at any

moment in time

without warning.

When life occurs

it takes nine months

to come to grips with

life, but with death

we never know what

or when it will occur.

Memories of Mark

Little boy, so full of dreams

laughing, smiling, playing

you used to take apart

all of my toys

And you never knew how to

to put them back again

and I’d be enraged.

 

Little boy, I watch you play

with all your friends

they all dreamed of being you

because you were strong

and didn’t put up with a lot

and for a nine year old

that was cool.

 

Little boy, dreams fall down

and no one knew how to

pick them up for you

They left you alone

when you should have been

loved more than anyone

because you lost your dad.

 

Teenage boy, full of angst

mom kicked you to the curb

you were of the devil

because you wore an earring

and didn’t like church

I always loved you

no matter what you wore.

 

Young man, troubled soul

I didn’t see all the pain

you laughed and joked

I thought your life was good

You never told me

anything different

I should have known better.

 

Brother dear, please return

we put you in the ground today

and I wish it was me.

So many questions

not many answers

I hate this world

for giving up on you.

Motherhood

Motherhood

The time has come

for me to let go

and start a new chapter

in my life

 

Being a mother

is what I’m good at

and its time now

to let go of having any more

 

I still have babies to raise

and little girls to dress

and little minds to grow

and that is my duty now.

 

No more stamping little toes

across the floor

or getting up to nurse

the little baby who needs me.

 

No longer will I feel

a kick inside of me

and wonder what this one

will look like.

 

Gone are the days

of little ones in toe

but the memories will

last forever in my heart.

 

And I’ll carry the sounds

and the little smiles

and the giggles and tears

with me always….

 

A mother never forgets…

 

 

© 2007-2014 Michelle Buck.

My Blue Pen

My blue pen

5/9/2007

 

My blue pen

is not helping me tonight

My thoughts are rambled

I thought this pen could write

It’s not coming out

exactly how I need

I might just ditch this pen

And instead go read

To My Love

(For Simeon — Written in 2005, because I love you)

 

To My Love

How many years can there be

When you finally know how much you are loved

 

How many fights about nothing at all

Does it take to realize you really know him?

 

How many times do you have to call

To know that you really do miss each other?

 

If no words were said would your actions show

how much love you have for him?

 

At the end of the day, don’t all the little things

really mean nothing compared to what you are?

 

Would it still be okay if I stood beside you?

a little longer, maybe for eternity?

 

Do you realize, I really do love you

and will spend the rest of my life proving that I do

Never

Hiding your face,

The sun may shine.

A joyful heart

It will not find.

The warmth will leave

As sunsets do,

But God will never,

Not ever forsake you.

 

Trust in friends

Who said they cared.

You look for them,

But they aren’t there.

Some still remain;

Their words are few,

But God will never,

Not ever forsake you.

 

You felt her hand,

Lifeless, yet real.

You watched her die,

Now its “death” you feel.

“Do they understand?

How will I ever get through?”

The Lord God will never,

Not ever forsake you.

 

One foot in the world,

The offer, appealing.

A bite from its fruit,

Deceitful in healing.

Can you hear Him say –

“If you only knew,

I, the Lord, will never,

Not ever forsake you”?

 

Glorious riches,

Recognition, and fame

Cannot compare

To His beautiful name;

He suffered for us!

And He gives this promise so true:

“Your loving Father will never,

Not ever forsake you.”

(1/22/2010)

Nothing Poem

6/1/2005

 

This pencil is writing

but I have nothing to say

My bed is inviting

For its been a long day

To the clock I glance

Maybe its not that late

Now I’m in a trance

No escaping this fate.

Yawning, I try

to stay awake some more

Time passes by

The bright lights I ignore

My eyes become weak

and the lights slowly fade

I take one last peek

at the poem about nothing I made.

Suffering

(Written in 2010)

 

Oh Tree, What loss you suffer

At the hands of His bitter wrath

As he chokes the life of color and beauty

You watch them fall on the path

What lonely days lie in wait

Imprisoned by an ocean of white,

Creatures of flight take their leave

The sky’s radiance abandons your plight.

 

Oh tree, what loss you bear!

Abandoned by all you once knew.

A season of grief you suffer;

What will become of you?

Silence blows its bitter breath

Across the miles; It will seep

Taunting and nagging your core

Death is the company you keep.

 

Oh tree, Do not lose hope!

His mercies every morning are new!

The sun climbs the stairs to the sky

The Creatures of flight are in view!

Little green men sprout up to defend

To honor one crushed, yet steadfast;

Your beauty returns, your favor spreads.

The season of suffering has passed!

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